My Surgery

I left Denver on a Monday afternoon for Philadelphia.  My surgeon was Dr. Kathy Rumer.  She has a clinic in Ardmore, PA.

I took a travel partner with me.  I won't reveal her real name out of concern for her privacy and safety, but I will refer to her as Melinda.

Melinda and I arrived in Philadelphia at approximately 10:00 PM on a Monday night.  We caught an Uber over to the hotel.  Dropped our stuff off and then went in search of food only to find everything was closed.  Very disappointing to say the least.  So we walked to a Rite-Aid and we got food, depends, bed pads and wet wipes and a few other things.  Went back to the hotel and ate dinner, relaxed and watched some movies.

Tuesday I had to start my bowel prep at noon.  Mag citrate, flagly, neomycin and there was something else in there but I can't recall the name.  The mag citrate is nasty stuff.  It comes in lemon flavor to make it easier to drink...well, that didn't help out at all.  I had to choke it down.  I had to take the meds again at 1 pm and 2 pm.  Then at 10 pm I had drink another half of a mag citrate.  Needless to say, I spent all day in bed or in the bathroom.  It was not fun, it was not pleasant.  The hospital called at 2:30 pm and gave me and my helper instructions to be there at 6 am.

Melinda and I packed our stuff the night before with exception to our personal hygiene stuff and laptops.  We arose at 4 am.  I had to do an enema flush and so I showered while I was in there.  Got out, dried off and got dressed while Melinda showered.  We both took turns doing our hair and personal hygiene.  At 5:00 AM we were both downstairs with our luggage waiting on the cab.  At 5:20 the cab arrived and whisked us off to the hospital.

We arrived at Hahnemann University Hospital in Philadelphia at 5:43 AM.  We checked in at the front desk and waited to be called.

Finally we got the ok to head up to the OR prep room and took the elevator up.  Once up there we went through a couple doors and were greeted by nurses.  I was given a gown and told to strip down and change, and remove all my earrings, necklaces, piercings and what not.  Melinda sat with me until 7:30 and then the nurses finally kicked her out to the waiting room.

I had nerves going.  I wasn't scared of the surgery, but I get anxious and nervous with surgical procedures.  It's normal for everyone.  I didn't have any doubts or fears that I was making a mistake by going through with the surgery.  I was ready for this.  Ready for the nightmare that I had been living all of my life to be over with.  When the anesthesiologists came in to brief me, I told them I was nervous and anxious about going into surgery and that I always get this way and asked them if there was anything they could give me to calm me down and they said absolutely.  Dr. Rumer came in, we chatted for a minute, I showed her a pic of what I wanted my new vagina to look like and she said no problem.  Then she was off, and the nurse pumped a needle into my freshly installed IV and I don't remember anything after that.  I was off in la la land long before they ever wheeled me into the OR and I was just fine and happy with that!

When I awoke it was 1:30 PM Eastern Time.  They had wheeled me into surgery at 12:15 PM Eastern Time and they finished a little before 12:15 PM Eastern Time.  Just under 4 hours.  I had a vaginoplasty done, a urethroplasty, a labiaplasty and a breast augmentation surgery done.  Amazing that she did all of that in less than 4 hours! WOW!  4 hours to fix what I've had to live with for over 35 years.  Simply amazing.  Anyhow, when I came to I was groggy, my head was a in a fog from the anesthesia.  I remember briefly opening my eyes and feeling this dull constant ache between my legs, then I glanced down and saw my gown hanging a bit past my new breasts.  When I saw them, I grinned and was like "Oh Yeah!".  I didn't try to see the lower, but I closed my eyes and I went back to sleep.

I awoke in my room around 3:00 pm.  That same constant dull ache was there.  The nurse came in and explained I had a pain pump that I could dispense morphine with every 15 minutes by pressing a button.  Morphine does not work very well on me and for much of my post-op hospital stay the morphine didn't take the edge off of my pain.  It wasn't a sharp, brutal pain.  It was just a constant, dull ache between my legs.  I finally asked for and received some dilaudid.  I got it twice during my stay and that got me through.  Dilaudid is the most potent stuff they had on hand and it definitely took the edge off my pain.  For the most part when I was on the morphine, I felt like I had an odd shaped plastic disc rammed up inside my pelvic area.  Not really painful per se, but very uncomfortable and just caused me to ache and ache.

Wednesday was pretty uneventful.  I tried to eat some food, but everything tasted the same and when I would try to chew it, it would ball up and get really sticky and get caught between my gums and my cheeks.  I drank a lot of water.

Thursday was better.  I was able to eat a little more, one of my friends from work sent me a big vase of 2 dozen red roses. I had a friend that was in town come by to visit me which made my day.  My phone was blowing up with texts and phone calls.  Social media accounts were blowing up with pm's, I even got emails.  I was just totally speechless with the outpouring of love and support that I received from my friends.  My Uncle did text, he's the only one in my family that was supportive of me.  I lost the rest of my family when I transitioned.  But to receive the love, well wishes and show of support that I did from my friends, co-workers and people in my life, was nothing short of amazing!  I was so moved and emotionally happy for that and I cried seriously happy tears.

The rest of the day went decent, but I did have a problem with one of my nurses not wearing sterile gloves when emptying my drains.  This infuriated me that anyone in the medical field could be so careless and inconsiderate.  I brought it to her attention and she just laughed and said oh I washed my hands.  I didn't care.  Sterile gloves should always be used when there are bodily fluids of any kind involved.  I did report this to her supervisor who was very upset to hear the news and assured me it would be dealt with.  Later Dr. Rumer's physicians assistant came in and changed my bandages and inspected everything.  I begged for something to take the edge off my pain and she got me some Dilaudid that evening which got me through the night.  I got another round Friday morning.

Noon Friday, I was discharged.  The hospital provided a free cab to Dr. Rumer's facility. Unfortunately the cab driver was completely incompetent and didn't know how to get there, so I had to use my gps on my phone and directed him. My bottom area was very sore and the rough roads didn't help.  Finally we got there, and while he and Melinda were getting luggage out of the car, I got out of the cab and started walking towards the door.  Dr. Rumer's staff came out and helped me up the stairs (which I had little difficulty getting up) and to my room on the 2nd floor.  The room was very large, a queen size bed, a futon, a medium-sized refrigerator and freezer combo, an HDTV and a nightstand where all present.  I laid down on the bed and relaxed.  Very tired.  Even a short cab ride and a walk up some stairs wore me out.  Melinda brought our suitcases up and got me situated then she got her own self situated.

Dr. Rumer came up a short time later and visited with me for about a half an hour.  I was disappointed she didn't visit with me while I was in the hospital, but she made up for it.  We talked, I asked questions and then I gave her a big ole hug and cried on her shoulder and thanked her.  My fight with gender identity disorder was finally over.  My surgery was done.

In the days after my surgery, I felt a peace I had never known before.  I felt all the anger, frustration and rage draining out of me.  I felt a calm I had not experienced.  No more painful erections, no more aching, no more hurt physically, mentally, emotionally or psychologically.  I was finally me, as I always should have been but never was.  No more questions about things that happened in my life, no more questioning myself, no more fighting with myself.  Melinda went to the grocery store and got some groceries to get us through the week.  I gave her a list and it was exactly just enough for 6 days.
I got

• pineapple in the can
• pears in a can
• lasagna dinners
• macaroni dinners
• chocolate pudding cups
• frozen broccoli steamers
• a bag of chips to munch on
• a 1/2 gallon of chocolate ice cream
• a bag of ice (for ice water)
• a box of granola bars
• ravioli macaroni
• 1/2 gallon of milk
• 1 box of Cap 'N Crunch 
• yogurt
• 12 pack of Dr. Pepper

(I had to buy for 2 people since I had my helper with me).

Saturday went well, Melinda and I ordered pizza, I slept on and off and through the day.  I had to empty my drains, Melinda emptied my foley catheter bag.  All surgeons are different.  Some will have your catheter and drains out within a few days of surgery, mine had mine in for a whole week.  I also had a friend who was in the area stop by and visit, and this really boosted my morale.  I got phone calls, texts and social media messages all day long.  The outpouring of love was so amazing.

Sunday was ok, I didn't feel so well.  Slept a lot, watched movies, drank lots of water.  Our room was freezing cold.  It had been 75 degrees when we arrived at Dr. Rumer's.  A storm blew in Saturday evening and dropped the temp by 40 degrees for the weekend.  Burrrrrrr!  I huddled under the covers in my windbreaker pants, hoodie and wool socks.

Monday was a very rough day.  I was told I should be having a bowel moment any day.  In the afternoon I felt it coming, but I didn't make it to the bathroom in time.  I was trying to hold it, but I couldn't get my depends down in time and my anal muscles had contractions which were so painful and I about passed out from the pain.  Melinda had to help clean me up which was a terrible experience for both of us.  These are the kinds of things your helper can expect to do.  Changing diaper, wiping your butt, between your butt crack, around your butthole.  You can't shower for the first week, so you need to be wiped down with a medical scrub soap, arms, legs, armpits, stomach, shoulders, but stay away from all surgical areas and incisions.  After I got cleaned up from the toilet, I crawled back into bed and was done for the night except for dinner and medicine.

Tuesday was much better.  Didn't do much except eat, take my meds, sleep and the nurses came up to check my surgery areas and inspect things.

Wednesday I got my catheter out and my drains and my packing.  I got to to sit in the medical chair and put my feet in the stirrups for the first time! I was excited about this.

First they took my catheter out.  Was so relieved to have that out!  Then they removed my drains.  Some people report pain when they come out, I didn't feel any pain or burning, just a quick twinge and some discomfort and they were out. The nurse cleaned the area then put some bandaids over the holes and then proceeded to pull 5 feet of gauze packing out of my vagina. It didn't hurt, but there was some pressure and I was amazed at how much of that was up inside of me! WOW! I was shown my new set of dilators, how to use them, which one to use first and for how long, and then the second one.  10 minutes with the medium sized one (blue), 10 minutes with the larger sized one (green). The smaller one (purple) has not been used at all per nurses instructions.

Acrylic Dilator set.

I dilate 4 times a day for the first 4 weeks.  8 am, 12 pm, 4 pm, 8 pm.  After 4 weeks, I drop down to 3 times for 2 months, then 2 times a day for 3 months, then 1 once a day.  Eventually it will get down to 2 times a week.

I also received instruction on douching.  This cleans out the post-surgery blood, bad bacteria and other debris from your surgery.  Summers Eve medicated are the best one's for this purpose.  Once or twice a week for the first 4 weeks, then once or twice a month as needed for 5 more months.  Then it's up to you if you want to douche or not.  Some do, some don't.  The medicated have iodine packets.  You put one iodine packet in one of the bottles, shake it up, and douche with it.  Then you let that sit a minute or so, then you put the other one with just the saline in and rinse everything out.  Do NOT use douches with vinegar. These will dry out your vagina in a hurry.

As soon as they were done, I went upstairs gathered a change of clothes, new diaper and bath towel and headed for the shower.  That first shower in a week felt so amazing! I stood in there until I wore myself out and got dehydrated.  When you shower, it's ok to lather up and wash your body just don't apply soap directly to your surgery spots or incisions and do not scrub them.  Just lather up everywhere else and then let the water push the suds down over your surgery areas and rinse off really good.  Then when I got out, I dry patted myself gently down.  Don't dry hard on or near surgical areas just gently dry pat yourself down.  Went back to the bedroom and collapsed on the bed and just laid there for a bit to get my energy back until I full dried off.  Finally got dressed, blow dried my hair and flat ironed it, brushed my teeth and made my own dinner for a change since I was now mobile! Melinda needed a break too, she'd been doing everything.

I dilated three times on Wednesday. It was very sore and tender, but dilating is SO VERY IMPORTANT!  If you don't do it, your vagina will cave in! It can also get infections, bacterias and caused a myriad of other help problems, so follow your dilation directions from your surgeon or doctor RELIGIOUSLY!  Otherwise your surgery was for nothing.  I don't care if you NEVER plan to have a penis in there or a sex toy, you MUST DILATE! You can have serious health complications if you don't.  So please, please, please do not ever stop dilating for any reason unless directed by your surgeon.

Thursday I had an appointment downstairs to go over my breast augmentation surgery and post-surgery procedures.  Quick and easy, just don't wear an underwire bra.  Wear my surgical bra until I get a loose fitting sports bra to wear at home.  All day, all night.  This is so the breast implants can naturally settle and move in towards each other so they can have a natural cleavage line.  Wearing an underwire bra prevents that from happening.  I'm in the sports bra for 6 months.  Then I was instructed to get a real bra and get fitted properly by a quality bra/lingerie shop.  Afterwards, Melinda ran out to do laundry and grab maxipads as I had heavy post-surgical bleeding.  I had what is called "old blood".  Old blood is post-surgical bleeding, but it is black or very dark maroon in color.  This was just blood that had coagulated in my vagina and had not yet worked it's way out.  It was very thick and heavy.  Nothing to be worried about or alarmed at.  I saw plenty in my stool when I'd sit down, a lot in my diaper and it was leaking through, so we got thick maxipads to put in the diaper and this helped keep the diaper from leaking.  Now, if you have bright red bleeding and it's more than just spotting, like trickling/flowing/pouring, you need to call for the nurse, or phone your surgeon's office ASAP!  Bright red blood in copious amounts is a sign something is wrong.  Anyhow, while Melinda was out, I packed up my stuff, left out my hygiene bag and dilators and meds.  Everything else was put in my suitcase.  Melinda and I ordered chinese for delivery and watched movies.  These two girls were homesick and ready to go home.  I requested an uber for 0415 hours the next morning and we went to bed.

Friday morning, I got up dilated, grabbed a shower, tucked my hair under my hat took my meds and Melinda hauled our bags downstairs.  Thankfully, we each had 1 suitcase and 1 laptop bag. Light and easy.  Our Uber never showed up, so I called for a taxi at 4:25.  By 4:35 we were on the way to the airport.  Arrived at the airport 20 mins later.  After being hassled by the idiot supervisor working the handicapped and wheelchair services for 10 minutes, I was finally wheeled to security with Melinda in tow.  Security was a breeze.  Got to our gate 2 minutes before they started boarding and was first on the plane.  The flight was about 3 hours 45 minutes.  We got in an hour earlier than we expected.  Melinda's mom met us at the airport and they dropped me at home, hauled my stuff upstairs and got me situated and then I was finally alone.  Peace and quiet.  I dilated and went to bed and slept for a few hours.

I will make another post on my recovery.  There may be some revisions to this as I remember certain details and things I forgot or left out by accident.