Terminology

I downloaded this form from Transgender Equality

http://www.transequality.org/sites/default/files/docs/resources/TransTerminology_2014.pdf

Positive Terminology

Transgender: A term for people whose gender identity, expression or behavior is different from those typically associated with their assigned sex at birth. Transgender is a broad term and is good for non-transgender people to use. "Trans" is shorthand for "transgender." (Note: Transgender is correctly used as an adjective, not a noun, thus "transgender people" is appropriate but "transgenders" is often viewed as disrespectful.)

Transgender Man: A term for a transgender individual who currently identifies as a man (see also “FTM”). aka Transman.

Transgender Woman: A term for a transgender individual who currently identifies as a woman (see also “MTF”). aka Transwoman.

Gender Identity: An individual’s internal sense of being male, female, or something else. Since gender identity is internal, one’s gender identity is not necessarily visible to others.

Gender Expression: How a person represents or expresses one’s gender identity to others, often through behavior, clothing, hairstyles, voice or body characteristics.

Transsexual: An older term for people whose gender identity is different from their assigned sex at birth who seeks to transition from male to female or female to male. Many do not prefer this term because it is thought to sound overly clinical.

Cross-dresser: A term for people who dress in clothing traditionally or stereotypically worn by the other sex, but who generally have no intent to live full-time as the other gender. The older term "transvestite" is considered derogatory by many in the United States.

Queer: A term used to refer to lesbian, gay, bisexual and, often also transgender, people. Some use queer as an alternative to "gay" in an effort to be more inclusive. Depending on the user, the term has either a derogatory or an affirming connotation, as many have sought to reclaim the term that was once widely used in a negative way.

Genderqueer: A term used by some individuals who identify as neither entirely male nor entirely female.

Gender Non-conforming: A term for individuals whose gender expression is different from societal expectations related to gender.

Bi-gendered: One who has a significant gender identity that encompasses both genders, male and female. Some may feel that one side or the other is stronger, but both sides are there.

Two-Spirit: A contemporary term that refers to the historical and current First Nations people whose individuals spirits were a blend of male and female spirits. This term has been reclaimed by some in Native American LGBT communities in order to honor their heritage and provide an alternative to the Western labels of gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender.

FTM: A person who transitions from "female-to-male," meaning a person who was assigned female at birth, but identifies and lives as a male. Also known as a “transgender man or transman.”

MTF: A person who transitions from "male-to-female," meaning a person who was assigned male at birth, but identifies and lives as a female. Also known as a “transgender woman or transwoman.”

Gender Reassignment Surgery: Surgical procedures that change one’s body to better reflect a person’s gender identity. This may include different procedures, including those sometimes also referred to as "top surgery" (breast augmentation or removal) or "bottom surgery" (altering genitals). Contrary to popular belief, there is not one surgery; in fact there are many different surgeries. These surgeries are medically necessary for some people, however not all people want, need, or can have surgery as part of their transition. "Sex change surgery" is considered a derogatory term by many. Many now prefer "Gender Confirmation Surgery".

Sexual Orientation: A term describing a person’s attraction to members of the same sex and/or a different sex, usually defined as lesbian, gay, bisexual, heterosexual, or asexual.

Transition: The time when a person begins to living as the gender with which they identify rather than the gender they were assigned at birth, which often includes changing one’s first name and dressing and grooming differently. Transitioning may or may not also include medical and legal aspects, including taking hormones, having surgery, or changing identity documents (e.g. driver’s license, Social Security record) to reflect one’s gender identity. Medical and legal steps are often difficult for people to afford.

Intersex: A term used for people who are born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy and/or chromosome pattern that does not seem to fit typical definitions of male or female. Intersex conditions are also known as differences of sex development (DSD).

Drag Queen: Used to refer to male performers who dress as women for the purpose of entertaining others at bars, clubs, or other events. It is also sometimes used in a derogatory manner to refer to transgender women.

Drag King: Used to refer to female performers who dress as men for the purposes of entertaining others at bars, clubs, or other events.

Negative Terminology

Tranny

She-male

Shemale

He-she

She-he

Lady boy

Lady boi

Girly boy/boi

Girlie boy/boi

Innie (referring to a male to female vagina)

Outie (referring to female to male penis)

Chick with a Dick

Dude with a Vagina

It

Shim

Himshee
Faggot
Homo
Queerbait

These types of terms are offensive, rude, mean, bigoted and hateful.  Please do not use them to insult, attack or berate transgender individuals.  We want to be respected just like anyone else...as a living, breathing human being.  Not as an object, a thing, a freak, or an it.

Parents & Friends

This page is for parents, friends, acquaintances and co-workers.  If you're reading this, perhaps you're just browsing and you found this blog by accident or perhaps you have a friend, a co-worker or a family member that has com out as transgender recently and they referred you here.

As a transwoman that has undergone transition, hormone replacement therapy, breast augmentation and gender reassignment surgery, I can imagine you have quite a few questions.  You may have some fears, inhibitions, concerns, worries and maybe even struggling with the decision this person in your life has made.

It's ok to be scared, it's ok to be worried, it's ok to be concerned, it's ok to be objective.  Those are all of the good traits of a good friend, co-worker or family member.  It shows you care about their well-being.  But remember that this is their life.  They didn't make a decision or a choice to be this way, but they have made a decision to deal with it and do something about it.

What's not ok is to be ugly about it.  Transgender people are very fragile from an emotional and psychological aspect.  They need your love, your support, your friendship.  They need an ally and they need to know someone is in their corner that they can talk to.  They don't need your hate, your name calling, persecution, ugliness, rude comments, nasty attitude and they don't need your judgements, religious righteousness.


So what exactly is TRANSGENDER?

Trans means "across"  and the definition of gender is as follows.

gen·der

ˈjendər/

noun

1. 1.

   the state of being male or female (typically used with reference to social and cultural differences rather than biological ones).

   
   

   "traditional concepts of gender"

   
   

   synonyms:

   sex "variables included age, income, and gender"

   • 
     
2. 2.

   GRAMMAR

   (in languages such as Latin, Greek, Russian, and German) each of the classes (typically masculine, feminine, common, neuter) of nouns and pronouns distinguished by the different inflections that they have and require in words syntactically associated with them. Grammatical gender is only very loosely associated with natural distinctions of sex.

   • 
     

So in a sense, transgender means across genders or to cross genders. A person can go from male to female, female to male, intersex to male, intersex to female.  There are other non-binary genders but I won't be going into them on this blog.  I'm addressing male to female, female to male and intersex.  I'll cover the terminology in another post.  

Transgender people are NOT mentally ill, they are not freaks, weirdos, perverts, pedophiles or sexual predators.  The DSM-V removed gender dysphoria (previously called gender identity disorder) as a mental disorder in 2012 prior to the publishing of the DSM-V.  The DSM is "The Diagnostic Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders".  V is the roman numeral for version 5.

Homosexuality was once categorized as a mental disorder and was later removed in the 1970's. As a transgender woman, I want to make it very clear, NO ONE chooses to be gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender.  Why would anyone choose to be persecuted, hated, attacked and subject themselves voluntarily to bigotry, ugliness and violence?  NO ONE would.   

People are born this way.  The science behind why people are born this way has not yet been figured out. One day hopefully that will be possible.    

Respecting a Transgender Person

There are several ways you can respect a transgender person.  

Be friendly

Be open to discussion

Be open-minded

If a male is transitioning to a female, refer to them with female pronouns.  She, her, female, ma'am, miss, Ms., lady, woman, girl or their chosen name (e.g. Sally, Nancy, Ruth, etc). 

If a female is transitioning to a male, refer to them with male pronouns.  He, him, male, Mister, Sir, boy, dude, bro, man, mang or their chose name (.e.g. Dave, Ray, Mark, etc).

Never EVER out someone.  Outing them means revealing their transgender status to others without their permission first.  Don't run out and tell all of your mutual friends that Chris is now Christina and he is transitioning to be a girl and is going to cut his dick off.  This is the single worst thing you can do.  Doing this will emotionally destroy a transgender individual.  It's not right and it's not fair to do this to anyone, under ANY circumstances EVER.  

Do not EVER post a transgender persons before and after pictures without their permission. 

Doing so can make them a target for harassment and violence.  Sadly there are people out there that "HUNT" transgender people and hurt them and/or kill them.

Always respect their privacy, their feelings and be supportive.

You don't have to like their decision, you don't have to agree with their decision, but you should always respect their decision.  They know themselves better than anyone else does.  You have NO IDEA what they are going through, thinking, feeling, experiencing or the hell they are enduring.

You can't tell if someone is transgender just by looking.

Transgender people don't all look a certain way or come from the same background, and many may not appear "visibly trans." It's not possible to look around a room and "see" if there are any transgender people. (It would be like a straight person looking around the room to "see" if there are any gay people.) You should assume that there may be transgender people at any gathering.

Don't make assumptions about a transgender person's sexual orientation.

Gender identity is different than sexual orientation. Sexual orientation is about who we're attracted to. Gender identity is about our own personal sense of being male or female (or someone outside that binary.) Transgender people can be gay, lesbian, bisexual or straight.

If you don't know what pronouns to use, listen first.

If you're unsure which pronoun a person prefers, listen first to the pronoun other people use when referring to that person. Someone who knows the person well will probably use the correct pronoun. If you must ask which pronoun the person prefers, start with your own. For example, "Hi, I'm Dani and I prefer the pronouns she and her. What about you?" Then use that person's preferred pronoun and encourage others to do so. If you accidentally use the wrong pronoun, apologize quickly and sincerely, then move on. The bigger deal you make out of the situation, the more uncomfortable it is for everyone.

Don't ask a transgender person what their "real name" is.

For some transgender people, being associated with their birth name is a tremendous source of anxiety, or it is simply a part of their life they wish to leave behind. Respect the name a transgender person is currently using. If you happen to know the name someone was given at birth but no longer uses, don't share it without the person's explicit permission. Similarly, don't share photos of someone from before their transition, unless you have their permission.

Understand the differences between "coming out" as lesbian, bisexual, or gay and "coming out" as transgender.

"Coming out" to other people as lesbian, gay, or bisexual is typically seen as revealing a truth that allows others to know your authentic self. The LGB community places great importance and value on the idea of being "out" in order to be happy and whole. When a transgender person has transitioned and is living as their authentic gender - that is their truth. The world now sees them as their true selves. Unfortunately, it can often feel disempowering for a transgender person to disclose to others that he or she is transgender. Sometimes when others learn a person is trans they no longer see the person as a "real" man or woman. Some people may choose to publicly discuss their lives in an effort to raise awareness and make cultural change, but please don't assume that it's necessary for a transgender person to always disclose that they are transgender in order to feel happy and whole.

Be careful about confidentiality, disclosure, and "outing."

Some transgender people feel comfortable disclosing their transgender status to others, and some do not. Knowing a transgender person's status is personal information and it is up to them to share it. Do not casually share this information, or "gossip" about a person you know or think is transgender. Not only is this an invasion of privacy, it also can have negative consequences in a world that is very intolerant of gender difference - transgender people can lose jobs, housing, friends, or even their lives upon revelation of their transgender status.

Respect the terminology a transgender person uses to describe their identity.


The transgender community uses many different terms to describe their experiences. Respect the term (transgender, transsexual, genderqueer, cross-dresser, etc.) a person uses to describe themselves. If a person is not sure of which identity label fits them best, give them the time to figure it out for themselves and don't tell them which term you think they should use. You wouldn't like your identity to be defined by others, so please allow others to define themselves.

Be patient with a person who is questioning or exploring their gender identity.

A person who is questioning or exploring their gender identity may take some time to find out what identity and/or gender expression is best for them. They might, for example, choose a new name or pronoun, and then decide at a later time to change the name or pronoun again. Do your best to be respectful and use the name and/or pronoun requested.

Understand there is no "right" or "wrong" way to transition - and that it is different for every person.

Some transgender people access medical care like hormones and surgery as part of their transition. Some transgender people want their authentic gender identity to be recognized without hormones or surgery. Some transgender people cannot access medical care, hormones, and/or surgery due to lack of financial resources. A transgender identity is not dependent on medical procedures. Just accept that if someone tells you they are transgender - they are.

Don't ask about a transgender person's genitals, surgical status, or sex life.


It would be inappropriate to ask a non-transgender person about the appearance or status of their genitals, and it's equally inappropriate to ask a transgender person those questions. Don't ask if a transgender person has had "the surgery" or if they are "pre-op" or "post-op." If a transgender person wants to talk to you about such matters, they will bring it up. Similarly, it wouldn't be appropriate to ask a non-transgender person about how they have sex, so the same courtesy should be extended to transgender people.

Avoid backhanded compliments or "helpful" tips.

While you may intend to be supportive, comments like the following can be hurtful or even insulting:

• "I would have never known you were transgender. You look so pretty."
• "You look just like a real woman."
• "She's so gorgeous, I would have never guessed she was transgender."
• "He's so hot, I'd date him even though he's transgender."
• "You're so brave."
• "You'd pass so much better if you wore less/more make-up, had a better wig, etc."
• "Have you considered a voice coach?"

Challenge anti-transgender remarks or jokes in public spaces - including LGB spaces.
You may hear anti-transgender comments from anti-LGBT activists - but you may also hear them from LGB people. Someone may think that because they're gay it's ok for them to use certain words or tell jokes about transgender people. It's important to challenge anti-transgender remarks or jokes whenever they're said and no matter who says them.

Support gender neutral public restrooms.

Some transgender and gender non-conforming people may not feel like they match the signs on the restroom door. Encourage schools, businesses, and agencies to have single user, unisex and/or gender neutral bathroom options. Make it clear that transgender and gender non-conforming people are welcome to use whichever restroom they feel comfortable using.

Help make your company or group truly trans-inclusive.

"LGBT" is now a commonplace term that joins lesbian, bisexual, gay, and transgender under the same acronym. If you are part of a company or group that says it's LGBT-inclusive, remember that transgender people face unique challenges, and that being LGBT-inclusive means truly understanding the needs of the trans community.

At meetings and events, set an inclusive tone.

At a meeting where not everyone is known, consider asking people to introduce themselves with their name and preferred pronouns. For example, "Hi, I'm Nick and I prefer the pronouns he and him." This sends the message that you are not making assumptions about anyone's gender, and that people are free to self-identify. Start with yourself and use a serious tone that will discourage others from dismissing the activity with a joke. However, if you feel this practice will have the effect of singling out the transgender people in the room, avoid it. Also, in a group setting, identify people by articles of clothing instead of being using gendered language - for example, the "person in the blue shirt," instead of the "woman in the front." Similarly, "Sir" and "Madam" are best avoided. If bathrooms in the meeting space are not already gender neutral, ask if it's possible to put gender neutral signs on them.

Listen to transgender people.

The best way to be an ally is to listen with an open mind to transgender people themselves. Talk to transgender people in your community. Check out books, films, YouTube channels, and transgender blogs to find out more about transgender lives.

Know your own limits as an ally.

Don't be afraid to admit when you don't know something. It is better to admit you don't know something than to make assumptions or say something that may be incorrect or hurtful. Then seek out the appropriate resources that will help you learn more.

Supporting a Transgender Person

If you're a parent, just remember this...this is YOUR child, your offspring.  They have ALWAYS loved you unconditionally, and looked to you for guidance, love, support and wisdom.  As a parent, you should return that to them regardless of YOUR own struggles, your religious beliefs and personal values.  

Your religious beliefs are YOURS and YOURS ALONE!  Not everyone believes the same way you do.  Every person believes in religion in their own way.  Everyone interprets the Bible in their own way.  Everyone sees things differently. Some people believe in God, some people don't.  So remember, just because YOU don't understand their situation it doesn't give you the right to judge them or be hateful to them based on your religious values.  Those are your values. They may not be the views of your child.

For parents struggling with a child's decision to transition, I highly suggest you consult with a therapist and work through your issues.  Include your child if he/she is open to it.  You can also attend support groups with your child.  Most major cities offer a multitude of transgender support groups.  Tackling this situation together makes things easier on you and it makes things easier on your child and it makes the entire process less stressful. 

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Legislation

March 28, 2017

Credit: One Colorado and OutFrontMagazine

For the third year in a row, the Colorado Senate State, Veterans, and Military Affairs Committee voted down the Birth Certificate Modernization Act, a bill that would bring Colorado law in line with federal policy for transgender Coloradans who want to update the gender on their birth certificate.

http://www.outfrontmagazine.com/news/colorado-senate-committee-vote-birth-certificate-modernization-act/

For the third year in a row, the Colorado Senate State, Veterans, and Military Affairs Committee voted down the Birth Certificate Modernization Act, a bill that would bring Colorado law in line with federal policy for transgender Coloradans who want to update the gender on their birth certificate.

This is the second pro-queer legislation that has been introduced and killed in the Senate within a week — House Bill 17-1156 would have prohibited licensed doctors, psychiatrists or therapists from using conversion therapy techniques on anyone under the age of 18, and was killed in the same committee last Thursday.

Current Colorado law requires a person to have “sex reassignment surgery (SRS)” in order to update the gender marker on their birth certificate to accurately reflect their lived gender. For many transgender people, this means the gender on their birth certificate will never be updated to reflect who they are because many people do not want, cannot afford, or do not need surgery.

It also means many transgender Coloradans will continue to face discrimination in employment, housing, and even exercising the fundamental right to vote until our law is fixed.

“Surgeries, like those required by the state of Colorado to update gender on a birth certificate, are highly invasive procedures performed by very few surgeons in this country — making access to surgery challenging and cost prohibitive,” Todd Garrity, a local trans activist, told OUT FRONT in early January.

Additionally, these surgeries leave an individual sterile, can have serious complications, and many transgender patients may not qualify for surgery for health reasons.

The federal government determined that requiring surgery to allow transgender people to update their gender on identification documents was onerous, and subsequently dropped the requirement for social security cards, driver’s licenses, and passports in 2010. People can now update their gender marker on federal documents with a letter from their qualified medical provider.

The committee heard multiple testimonies from numerous transgender Coloradans, their families, and experts demonstrating that this bill would not only make their lives easier, but would also save lives. Removing this specific barrier would have significantly reduced the stress and trauma a person goes through in the process of updating their gender.

“This much-needed legislation would simply have brought Colorado law in line with existing policies at the federal level, and in doing so would have protected the privacy of transgender Coloradans and protected them from discrimination,” One Colorado’s Executive Director Daniel Ramos said in a statement.

Queer Senator Dominick Moreno and Represenative Daneya Esgar sponsored House Bill 1122, and have pledged to continue this fight in years to come on Twitter.

Top Surgery

Top Surgery is also known as Breast Augmentation in male to female transgender individuals and mastectomy in female to male transgender individuals.


Breast Augmentation

 When I had my breast augmentation done there was very little pain.  The surgeon made incisions on the bottom of my breasts just as shown in the video above and placed the implants under the muscle and then stitched me up.  The extent of my pain was equivalent to cutting your self in an area that flexes easily (elbow joint area or knee joint, etc) and when you do it kind of stings if you move the wrong way.  That is all the pain that I experienced.  I was initially told my top surgery would hurt more than my bottom surgery, but that was not the case for me.  I am also very sensitive to pain and I don't handle pain well at all, but my breast augmentation didn't hurt aside from the stinging when shifting positions or stretching my arms and moving them in the wrong direction, but it was not what I would call pain.  Everyone will have a different experience with pain and how it affects them.

A patient can expect to spend between $5000-$6000 for the surgery and implants PLUS another $4000-$6000 on hospital fees and anesthesia.



Breast Mastectomy

This is the procedure for female to male transgender individuals.  The procedure is done to remove the breast tissue so that a female to male transgender individual can have a flat normal chest as a genetic male would. Top surgery goes a long ways to relieving the emotional distress of having breasts.  

The costs are similar to that of a breast augmentation surgery.  

Support Groups

There are several organizations in the Denver metro area that offer support groups for transgender, gender non-conforming and intersex individuals, including cross-dressers and drag queens.

I won't sit here and tell you which ones to go to and which one's not to go to, but I will say this.  Any support group that encourages, coerces or says you should vote a certain way, think a certain way, behave a certain way, or do certain things is in the wrong.

Support groups are just that....a group for support.  They're there to provide emotional support from the leaders and other attendees, to help you through tough times, to be of assistance when needed, and to provide gentle guidance.

Not to influence you, persuade you, coerce you or otherwise make you feel you have to do something in return.

Your transition is exclusive to you.  Everyone reacts differently to different things, some people are slow in their transitions, others are fast.  Some people take awhile to adapt to new things, circumstances, people and habits, while others embrace it and take to these things easily.  Don't ever let anyone tell you that you're not woman enough, not feminine or masculine appearing enough, need to do this or that to prove you are trans.

But at the same time, keep in mind, the goal of transition is to appear and behave as closely as possible to the gender that you identify closest with.  If you don't know how to do something then don't be afraid to ask for help.  Someone in your group will know about hair removal, clothing fashion, makeup, hair styling, female etiquette (walking, talking, sitting, mannerisms, etc).  Someone will know.

Support groups can be a valuable resource to connect you with other individuals like yourself.  You can meet new friends, help each other with situations, as most of you will be in various stages of your transition, each of you has something to offer the other.

Respectively, support groups can also be a source of drama.  I've found this out in the past when people got angry they didn't get their way with something, or didn't like this or that.  I once offered to design a new website for one support group that I was in.  The website was in desperate need of updating both from an graphics standpoint and a content standpoint.  The girl who was maintaining it got so angry she threatened me with a gun.  Nothing is worth getting that worked up about.  Another girl in another group I was in years later destroyed my car that she had been working on and refused to put it back together leaving me with a $1400 bill.  So be careful with these support groups.  I'm not saying they are all like that or this will happen to you, I'm just saying be wary of who you trust and to what extend.  There may be drama in some of these groups.


Colorado Transgender Support Groups

Gender Identify Center of Colorado
https://giccolorado.org/
120 Bryant St.
Denver, CO 80219
info@giccolorado.org
Phone: (303) 202-6466

GLBT Center of Colorado

http://glbtcolorado.org/
1301 E Colfax Ave

Denver, CO 80218
Phone: (303) 733-7743

Northern Colorado Pride & Equality

http://nocopride.org/pride/

https://www.facebook.com/pg/nocoeclectic/

nocoeclectic@gmail.com

It Takes A Village

http://www.ittakesavillagecolorado.org/programs/transaction.htm
1475 Lima Street 

Aurora, CO 80010

info@ittakesavillagecolorado.org

Phone: (303) 367-4747

Out Boulder

http://www.outboulder.org/trans

info@outboulder.org

Phone: 303-499-5777 (Boulder)

Phone: 720.600.4138 (Longmont)

Boulder Pridehouse
2132 14th St.
Boulder, CO 80302

Longmont Pridehouse

463 Main Street
Longmont, CO 80501

http://www.outboulder.org/supportgroups

PFLAG Denver Chapter

http://www.pflagdenver.org/
1290 Williams Street
Ste 001
Denver, CO 80218

Phone: 303 573 5861
Email: pflagden@tde.com

Supplies

This is a list of things and supplies you will need to get for your surgery (male to female).  If you are traveling, I suggest you buy these AFTER you land at your destination city. If you are staying local, take them with you to the hospital and recovery facility.

Surgery & Immediate Post-Surgery Recovery

• Preparation H (in case you have hemorrhoid flare up or irritating around the anus)

• Dulcolax to prevent constipation. Take this and the docusate together. 

• Arnica tablets.  These reduce swelling, bruising and stiffness immediately after your surgery. Start 3 days before surgery and continue 7 days after your surgery. take 4 tablets, 4 times daily, under the tongue and allow them to dissolve. You will need 3 boxes of 60 tablets.  You can buy them at your local Target store. 
  

• Docusate - Stool softener. Use this if you're taking narcotic pain relievers such as percoset, vicodin, morphine or dilaudid, etc. 

• Depends pullups. DO NOT get the kind with the adhesive tabs, they are a hassle and won't stay up very well. 

• Long/wide maxipads (No wing tabs. Get the thick kind.)  Try to find a package that has more in it for less money.  The more you buy the cheaper they are. Then take half with you.  You'll need these for heavy post-surgery bleeding because the bleeding will go right through the diaper.  These will absorb all of the blood and let your diapers last longer. 

• Wet Wipes. Most any type of wet wipes are fine, just make sure they are alcohol free.  

• Rite-Aid Bed Pads (or comparable brand). You'll use these to sleep on and dilate on after surgery so you don't bleed on the bed. 

• Anti-bacterial Body Wash (you'll need this to wash with the morning of your surgery before you report to the hospital).  

• One box of sterile gloves (100 count). You'll want these to dilate, to empty your foley catheter bag, to empty drains and to wipe your vagina, and anus with. Lot's of yucky bodily fluids you'll be dealing with and you don't want to get an infection or bacteria in any of those areas.

• Hand Mirror.  This is so you can see to put your dilator(s) in.  Make sure to pack it in your luggage and wrap it in a towel or hoodie or thick cloth material so it doesn't break in transit to and from, if you have to travel. 

• Plastic drinking cup w/ handle and measurable markers.  The reason I say to bring this kind of cup is for a couple reasons.  One, you can keep track of your water intake as it has the ounce markers on the side of the cup.  It's very easy to get dehydrated following surgery.  Your appetite isn't as good, your body is under the effects of anesthesia still, you're taking narcotics which cause constipation and hard stool.  Additionally, you're laying on your back in the hospital and much of the time in your recovery facility and/or at home so it's easier to drink through the straw while on your back with the lid on.  Just very very useful all in one, multi-purpose drinking cup. You can find them on amazon (search for Hospital Thermo Mug) or you can pick one up here for way less than the ones on Amazon. 

• Plastic shower cap - to put your hair up when you shower so you don't have to get it wet each time. 

Packing List

• Sweatpants/gym pants (like adidas warm up pants or similar)
• loose fitting gym/running shorts
• t-shirts
• hoodie or sweatshirt (if you get cold)
• wool socks for your feet (they WILL get cold!)
• laptop and external hd full of movies (or bring a tablet instead)
• VGA to HDMI cable (or apple to HDMI cable) to watch movies from your laptop on the HDTV (if your facility has one.  Nothing was on the cable channels). Can stream Netflix.
• reading book(s) or magazines
• phone and phone charger
• couple pairs of underwear
• couple pairs of regular white socks

Hygiene Bag

• Shaving razor
• Shampoo/Conditioner
• Body Wash
• Brand new lofa (for your body scrub w/ anti-bacterial body wash the morning before your surgery.
• shaving cream
• medications (for AFTER your surgery)
• a few hair ties
• 1 large hair clip
• plastic shower
• nail clippers
• hair brush
• flat iron
• hair dryer
• toothbrush
• toothpaste
• travel size mouthwash
• dental floss

Post Surgery Recovery at Home

You will need everything listed above

• Bed pads
• Depends pull ups
• Prepartion H
• Sterile gloves
• Dolculax
• Docusate
• Paper towels
• Toilet Paper
• Kleenex
• Hand Mirror
• Neosporin (only use if directed by your surgeon or their staff.)

• Water based lubricating jelly.  This is the best bang for the buck.  12 tubes for $14.  These will last you about 6-8 weeks.  In comparison, KY Jelly is $5.00 per 4 oz bottle at Wal-Mart. This is also what my surgeon gave me to dilate with.  Take a tube with you for your surgery for dilating right afterwards. 

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00ZQFQP08/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

• Maxi Pads.  After you get past the post-bleeding following surgery, you will be fine to get Maxipads that are thin and long.  These will provide ample protection for any dripping of lube and bodily fluids and the minor bleeding you will do as well as elongating the life of your diapers and making them last longer so you don't have to buy as many. 

• Summer's Eve Medicated Douches (Medicated has the iodine in them).  

1-2x a week for the first month following surgery.  Then once or twice a month as needed after that up to the 6 month point.  After that, it's solely up to you whether to use them or not.  Do NOT use the douches that have vinegar in them.  These will dry you up and make your vagina itch and burn.  The medicated douches help the surgery areas heal up and they also help flush all the surgery debris, blood, dried blood, lube and what not out.  Don't worry about pH the first 6 months, because your vagina is still healing and you won't have a stable pH until everything is completely 100% healed and that takes 6 months at least.  

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B002ZCXV0C/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o03_s00?ie=UTF8&th=1

My Surgery

I left Denver on a Monday afternoon for Philadelphia.  My surgeon was Dr. Kathy Rumer.  She has a clinic in Ardmore, PA.

I took a travel partner with me.  I won't reveal her real name out of concern for her privacy and safety, but I will refer to her as Melinda.

Melinda and I arrived in Philadelphia at approximately 10:00 PM on a Monday night.  We caught an Uber over to the hotel.  Dropped our stuff off and then went in search of food only to find everything was closed.  Very disappointing to say the least.  So we walked to a Rite-Aid and we got food, depends, bed pads and wet wipes and a few other things.  Went back to the hotel and ate dinner, relaxed and watched some movies.

Tuesday I had to start my bowel prep at noon.  Mag citrate, flagly, neomycin and there was something else in there but I can't recall the name.  The mag citrate is nasty stuff.  It comes in lemon flavor to make it easier to drink...well, that didn't help out at all.  I had to choke it down.  I had to take the meds again at 1 pm and 2 pm.  Then at 10 pm I had drink another half of a mag citrate.  Needless to say, I spent all day in bed or in the bathroom.  It was not fun, it was not pleasant.  The hospital called at 2:30 pm and gave me and my helper instructions to be there at 6 am.

Melinda and I packed our stuff the night before with exception to our personal hygiene stuff and laptops.  We arose at 4 am.  I had to do an enema flush and so I showered while I was in there.  Got out, dried off and got dressed while Melinda showered.  We both took turns doing our hair and personal hygiene.  At 5:00 AM we were both downstairs with our luggage waiting on the cab.  At 5:20 the cab arrived and whisked us off to the hospital.

We arrived at Hahnemann University Hospital in Philadelphia at 5:43 AM.  We checked in at the front desk and waited to be called.

Finally we got the ok to head up to the OR prep room and took the elevator up.  Once up there we went through a couple doors and were greeted by nurses.  I was given a gown and told to strip down and change, and remove all my earrings, necklaces, piercings and what not.  Melinda sat with me until 7:30 and then the nurses finally kicked her out to the waiting room.

I had nerves going.  I wasn't scared of the surgery, but I get anxious and nervous with surgical procedures.  It's normal for everyone.  I didn't have any doubts or fears that I was making a mistake by going through with the surgery.  I was ready for this.  Ready for the nightmare that I had been living all of my life to be over with.  When the anesthesiologists came in to brief me, I told them I was nervous and anxious about going into surgery and that I always get this way and asked them if there was anything they could give me to calm me down and they said absolutely.  Dr. Rumer came in, we chatted for a minute, I showed her a pic of what I wanted my new vagina to look like and she said no problem.  Then she was off, and the nurse pumped a needle into my freshly installed IV and I don't remember anything after that.  I was off in la la land long before they ever wheeled me into the OR and I was just fine and happy with that!

When I awoke it was 1:30 PM Eastern Time.  They had wheeled me into surgery at 12:15 PM Eastern Time and they finished a little before 12:15 PM Eastern Time.  Just under 4 hours.  I had a vaginoplasty done, a urethroplasty, a labiaplasty and a breast augmentation surgery done.  Amazing that she did all of that in less than 4 hours! WOW!  4 hours to fix what I've had to live with for over 35 years.  Simply amazing.  Anyhow, when I came to I was groggy, my head was a in a fog from the anesthesia.  I remember briefly opening my eyes and feeling this dull constant ache between my legs, then I glanced down and saw my gown hanging a bit past my new breasts.  When I saw them, I grinned and was like "Oh Yeah!".  I didn't try to see the lower, but I closed my eyes and I went back to sleep.

I awoke in my room around 3:00 pm.  That same constant dull ache was there.  The nurse came in and explained I had a pain pump that I could dispense morphine with every 15 minutes by pressing a button.  Morphine does not work very well on me and for much of my post-op hospital stay the morphine didn't take the edge off of my pain.  It wasn't a sharp, brutal pain.  It was just a constant, dull ache between my legs.  I finally asked for and received some dilaudid.  I got it twice during my stay and that got me through.  Dilaudid is the most potent stuff they had on hand and it definitely took the edge off my pain.  For the most part when I was on the morphine, I felt like I had an odd shaped plastic disc rammed up inside my pelvic area.  Not really painful per se, but very uncomfortable and just caused me to ache and ache.

Wednesday was pretty uneventful.  I tried to eat some food, but everything tasted the same and when I would try to chew it, it would ball up and get really sticky and get caught between my gums and my cheeks.  I drank a lot of water.

Thursday was better.  I was able to eat a little more, one of my friends from work sent me a big vase of 2 dozen red roses. I had a friend that was in town come by to visit me which made my day.  My phone was blowing up with texts and phone calls.  Social media accounts were blowing up with pm's, I even got emails.  I was just totally speechless with the outpouring of love and support that I received from my friends.  My Uncle did text, he's the only one in my family that was supportive of me.  I lost the rest of my family when I transitioned.  But to receive the love, well wishes and show of support that I did from my friends, co-workers and people in my life, was nothing short of amazing!  I was so moved and emotionally happy for that and I cried seriously happy tears.

The rest of the day went decent, but I did have a problem with one of my nurses not wearing sterile gloves when emptying my drains.  This infuriated me that anyone in the medical field could be so careless and inconsiderate.  I brought it to her attention and she just laughed and said oh I washed my hands.  I didn't care.  Sterile gloves should always be used when there are bodily fluids of any kind involved.  I did report this to her supervisor who was very upset to hear the news and assured me it would be dealt with.  Later Dr. Rumer's physicians assistant came in and changed my bandages and inspected everything.  I begged for something to take the edge off my pain and she got me some Dilaudid that evening which got me through the night.  I got another round Friday morning.

Noon Friday, I was discharged.  The hospital provided a free cab to Dr. Rumer's facility. Unfortunately the cab driver was completely incompetent and didn't know how to get there, so I had to use my gps on my phone and directed him. My bottom area was very sore and the rough roads didn't help.  Finally we got there, and while he and Melinda were getting luggage out of the car, I got out of the cab and started walking towards the door.  Dr. Rumer's staff came out and helped me up the stairs (which I had little difficulty getting up) and to my room on the 2nd floor.  The room was very large, a queen size bed, a futon, a medium-sized refrigerator and freezer combo, an HDTV and a nightstand where all present.  I laid down on the bed and relaxed.  Very tired.  Even a short cab ride and a walk up some stairs wore me out.  Melinda brought our suitcases up and got me situated then she got her own self situated.

Dr. Rumer came up a short time later and visited with me for about a half an hour.  I was disappointed she didn't visit with me while I was in the hospital, but she made up for it.  We talked, I asked questions and then I gave her a big ole hug and cried on her shoulder and thanked her.  My fight with gender identity disorder was finally over.  My surgery was done.

In the days after my surgery, I felt a peace I had never known before.  I felt all the anger, frustration and rage draining out of me.  I felt a calm I had not experienced.  No more painful erections, no more aching, no more hurt physically, mentally, emotionally or psychologically.  I was finally me, as I always should have been but never was.  No more questions about things that happened in my life, no more questioning myself, no more fighting with myself.  Melinda went to the grocery store and got some groceries to get us through the week.  I gave her a list and it was exactly just enough for 6 days.
I got

• pineapple in the can
• pears in a can
• lasagna dinners
• macaroni dinners
• chocolate pudding cups
• frozen broccoli steamers
• a bag of chips to munch on
• a 1/2 gallon of chocolate ice cream
• a bag of ice (for ice water)
• a box of granola bars
• ravioli macaroni
• 1/2 gallon of milk
• 1 box of Cap 'N Crunch 
• yogurt
• 12 pack of Dr. Pepper

(I had to buy for 2 people since I had my helper with me).

Saturday went well, Melinda and I ordered pizza, I slept on and off and through the day.  I had to empty my drains, Melinda emptied my foley catheter bag.  All surgeons are different.  Some will have your catheter and drains out within a few days of surgery, mine had mine in for a whole week.  I also had a friend who was in the area stop by and visit, and this really boosted my morale.  I got phone calls, texts and social media messages all day long.  The outpouring of love was so amazing.

Sunday was ok, I didn't feel so well.  Slept a lot, watched movies, drank lots of water.  Our room was freezing cold.  It had been 75 degrees when we arrived at Dr. Rumer's.  A storm blew in Saturday evening and dropped the temp by 40 degrees for the weekend.  Burrrrrrr!  I huddled under the covers in my windbreaker pants, hoodie and wool socks.

Monday was a very rough day.  I was told I should be having a bowel moment any day.  In the afternoon I felt it coming, but I didn't make it to the bathroom in time.  I was trying to hold it, but I couldn't get my depends down in time and my anal muscles had contractions which were so painful and I about passed out from the pain.  Melinda had to help clean me up which was a terrible experience for both of us.  These are the kinds of things your helper can expect to do.  Changing diaper, wiping your butt, between your butt crack, around your butthole.  You can't shower for the first week, so you need to be wiped down with a medical scrub soap, arms, legs, armpits, stomach, shoulders, but stay away from all surgical areas and incisions.  After I got cleaned up from the toilet, I crawled back into bed and was done for the night except for dinner and medicine.

Tuesday was much better.  Didn't do much except eat, take my meds, sleep and the nurses came up to check my surgery areas and inspect things.

Wednesday I got my catheter out and my drains and my packing.  I got to to sit in the medical chair and put my feet in the stirrups for the first time! I was excited about this.

First they took my catheter out.  Was so relieved to have that out!  Then they removed my drains.  Some people report pain when they come out, I didn't feel any pain or burning, just a quick twinge and some discomfort and they were out. The nurse cleaned the area then put some bandaids over the holes and then proceeded to pull 5 feet of gauze packing out of my vagina. It didn't hurt, but there was some pressure and I was amazed at how much of that was up inside of me! WOW! I was shown my new set of dilators, how to use them, which one to use first and for how long, and then the second one.  10 minutes with the medium sized one (blue), 10 minutes with the larger sized one (green). The smaller one (purple) has not been used at all per nurses instructions.

Acrylic Dilator set.

I dilate 4 times a day for the first 4 weeks.  8 am, 12 pm, 4 pm, 8 pm.  After 4 weeks, I drop down to 3 times for 2 months, then 2 times a day for 3 months, then 1 once a day.  Eventually it will get down to 2 times a week.

I also received instruction on douching.  This cleans out the post-surgery blood, bad bacteria and other debris from your surgery.  Summers Eve medicated are the best one's for this purpose.  Once or twice a week for the first 4 weeks, then once or twice a month as needed for 5 more months.  Then it's up to you if you want to douche or not.  Some do, some don't.  The medicated have iodine packets.  You put one iodine packet in one of the bottles, shake it up, and douche with it.  Then you let that sit a minute or so, then you put the other one with just the saline in and rinse everything out.  Do NOT use douches with vinegar. These will dry out your vagina in a hurry.

As soon as they were done, I went upstairs gathered a change of clothes, new diaper and bath towel and headed for the shower.  That first shower in a week felt so amazing! I stood in there until I wore myself out and got dehydrated.  When you shower, it's ok to lather up and wash your body just don't apply soap directly to your surgery spots or incisions and do not scrub them.  Just lather up everywhere else and then let the water push the suds down over your surgery areas and rinse off really good.  Then when I got out, I dry patted myself gently down.  Don't dry hard on or near surgical areas just gently dry pat yourself down.  Went back to the bedroom and collapsed on the bed and just laid there for a bit to get my energy back until I full dried off.  Finally got dressed, blow dried my hair and flat ironed it, brushed my teeth and made my own dinner for a change since I was now mobile! Melinda needed a break too, she'd been doing everything.

I dilated three times on Wednesday. It was very sore and tender, but dilating is SO VERY IMPORTANT!  If you don't do it, your vagina will cave in! It can also get infections, bacterias and caused a myriad of other help problems, so follow your dilation directions from your surgeon or doctor RELIGIOUSLY!  Otherwise your surgery was for nothing.  I don't care if you NEVER plan to have a penis in there or a sex toy, you MUST DILATE! You can have serious health complications if you don't.  So please, please, please do not ever stop dilating for any reason unless directed by your surgeon.

Thursday I had an appointment downstairs to go over my breast augmentation surgery and post-surgery procedures.  Quick and easy, just don't wear an underwire bra.  Wear my surgical bra until I get a loose fitting sports bra to wear at home.  All day, all night.  This is so the breast implants can naturally settle and move in towards each other so they can have a natural cleavage line.  Wearing an underwire bra prevents that from happening.  I'm in the sports bra for 6 months.  Then I was instructed to get a real bra and get fitted properly by a quality bra/lingerie shop.  Afterwards, Melinda ran out to do laundry and grab maxipads as I had heavy post-surgical bleeding.  I had what is called "old blood".  Old blood is post-surgical bleeding, but it is black or very dark maroon in color.  This was just blood that had coagulated in my vagina and had not yet worked it's way out.  It was very thick and heavy.  Nothing to be worried about or alarmed at.  I saw plenty in my stool when I'd sit down, a lot in my diaper and it was leaking through, so we got thick maxipads to put in the diaper and this helped keep the diaper from leaking.  Now, if you have bright red bleeding and it's more than just spotting, like trickling/flowing/pouring, you need to call for the nurse, or phone your surgeon's office ASAP!  Bright red blood in copious amounts is a sign something is wrong.  Anyhow, while Melinda was out, I packed up my stuff, left out my hygiene bag and dilators and meds.  Everything else was put in my suitcase.  Melinda and I ordered chinese for delivery and watched movies.  These two girls were homesick and ready to go home.  I requested an uber for 0415 hours the next morning and we went to bed.

Friday morning, I got up dilated, grabbed a shower, tucked my hair under my hat took my meds and Melinda hauled our bags downstairs.  Thankfully, we each had 1 suitcase and 1 laptop bag. Light and easy.  Our Uber never showed up, so I called for a taxi at 4:25.  By 4:35 we were on the way to the airport.  Arrived at the airport 20 mins later.  After being hassled by the idiot supervisor working the handicapped and wheelchair services for 10 minutes, I was finally wheeled to security with Melinda in tow.  Security was a breeze.  Got to our gate 2 minutes before they started boarding and was first on the plane.  The flight was about 3 hours 45 minutes.  We got in an hour earlier than we expected.  Melinda's mom met us at the airport and they dropped me at home, hauled my stuff upstairs and got me situated and then I was finally alone.  Peace and quiet.  I dilated and went to bed and slept for a few hours.

I will make another post on my recovery.  There may be some revisions to this as I remember certain details and things I forgot or left out by accident.

Bottom Surgery

Bottom Surgery is also known as gender reassignment surgery.

For the purposes of this discussion, I will primarily refer to male to female gender reassignment surgery.  I will have some information on female to male gender reassignment surgery at the bottom of this post.


Male to Female Gender Reassignment Surgery
Depending on what surgeon you go to, mtf bottom surgery can either consist of one or two surgeries.

Some surgeons do the vaginoplasty and urethroplasty first, then they ask you to come back and do a labiaplasty procedure.  Most surgeons do everything all at once as this is the preferred method for the patient.  Some patient's will also have a Breast Augmentation done at the same time of GRS.

Vaginoplasty is the construction of the neo-vagina from the patient's existing genitals.
Urethroplasty is the shortening and widening of the urethra to accomodate the neo-vagina.
Labiaplasty is the construction of the labia minor and labia majora.
Breast Augmentation is the insertion of breast implants under the upper chest muscles.

This is a digital animation of the male to female gender reassignment procedure.

You can search YouTube for full videos of the actual surgeries, but I'm not inclined to post them here as they are pretty graphic in nature.  The digital animations are much cleaner and you can actually see everything without all the blood and raw components to get a better understanding of what is involved.

Patients can expect a 6-8 week recovery process following this surgery.  I will have a blog post specifically regarding my entire surgery process that I will post at a later date.  I will link it in this post when I do.

The most common fear regarding this surgery is how much pain will you endure after the surgery.  I can personally tell you my pain was not that bad.  I had a constant dull ache between my legs from the moment I woke up to about 2 weeks after surgery.  My pain level was about a 4 on a scale of 10. Very manageable.

To put this level of pain into perspective, I developed internal hemmorhoids the 2nd week after I was home (3 weeks after surgery) due to the narcotic pain meds and getting dehydrated and that was brutally worse than the pain of surgery itself.  I was at a pain level 9.5 on a scale of 10.

So if you're scared of the pain from the surgery, fear not, it's not as bad as you think it will be.  This was my personal biggest fear going into the surgery because I do not deal well with pain.





Female to Male Gender Reassignment Surgery

Since I am a transwoman, I am largely uneducated about the procedures for a female to male transgender patient, so my descriptions will be brief and basic.

This is a digital animation of the female to male gender reassignment procedure.  Also known as phalloplasty.

Beyond this information, I'm afraid I'm very ignorant and I don't wish to put out false or inaccurate information.  If you're a transgender man and you'd like to contribute to this section, please feel free to contact me at transgenderinfocolorado@gmail.com and I will post your writing in this section and give you credit for your contribution.